The genocide museum is in the middle of a busy neighbourhood - we follow our map down the hot streets, crowded with mussel carts and fruit vendors and weave between students in school uniforms riding by, two or three often sharing one rusty bike.
Laundry hangs from the apartments nearby, often sharing the small shaded balcony with the small spirit houses so common across south-east Asia – they are as small as a birdhouse, and set with offerings for ancestors and those who might have lived on a particular piece of land in the past. The idea is that the spirits need a home and food and the spirit houses answer this need.
The spirits can feast as much as they like on the offerings – the plates of fruit, drink boxes with bendy straws, open bottles with drinking straws, flowers, bowls of rice. The fruit itself is not changed by them – the owner can clear the food away later and discard it or consume it. Doing the latter breaks no rules. At night, they are sometimes lit with Christmas lights which shine in an air that, night or day, smells of incense, sewage, fruit, and car exhaust.
When we walk around the city, as we do today, I often find myself trying to guess who is a Before and who is an After: who was alive before the Khmer Rouge and who was born after. It’s hard to pick out many who seem like in-betweens – birth rates during the regime plummeted, and there’s a generation gap.
* * * * * *
I don't know where to start with Tuol Sleng.
Tuol Sleng (sounds like tool slang) – also known as S-21 – shares Cambodia's history: Tuol Sleng was a school. Cambodia and Phnom Penh came under Khmer Rouge (k-mer roozh) control on 17 April 1975. Shortly afterward, the two million citizens of Phnom Penh had to evacuate on foot, and relocate to the countryside. Even if the city hadn't been emptied, the Phnom Penh’s Tuol Sleng school would have sat empty because the Khmer Rouge quickly abolished formal education. The Khmer Rouge set to work purifying the population of “undesireables” and completely restructuring society. People seem to unanimously agree that nothing good came of this time.
One wall of the museum includes a poem by a Cambodian man who lived through these years as a child and he lists all of the things that were abolished, which include:
“…No education…No currency…No begging. No giving….No public transportation…No social gatherings…No flirting. ..No marrying. ..No mercy…No forgiveness…No lullabies…No playing…No rest….”
The result of this restructuring was devastating.
“The Khmer Rouge left behind a vastly uneducated and unskilled society; a displaced, diasporic, and traumatized nation; a population of seventy percent women, many widowed from the regime; and a country riddled with landmines that even today continue to maim and kill. The Khmer Rouge shattered families an homes, destroyed financial, educational, religious, cultural and political institution and – perhaps most of all – annihilated trust.”
(Olivia Ataras and Sarah Jones Dickens)
Many books and movies cover what happened during the time of the Khmer Rouge. They talk about the families that were separated, of children sent to work camps, and the fear that permeated everything, always. One museum placard describes the country at that time as “Prison no wall” – an invisible structure, but very real to anyone who lived in it.
The Khmer Rouge named themselves after the Cambodian majority, with “Khmer” being the term used to describe the ethnic group that makes up about 90% of the population. It’s punishment targeted its own people as much as it did outsiders. An academic had to coin the new word “autogenocide” to describe how the Khmer Rouge murdered and starved several million fellow Khmers during the 3 years 8 months and 21 days that it was in power.
At the time of our visit, there has been no formal punishment those responsible for what took place during the Khmer Rouge regime. (post script: The court proceedings for the people in power at that time have been in the works for years but on hold - they finally started shortly after we left.)
Tuol Sleng the prison played a big part in what the Khmer Rouge considered its “purification process” – ridding itself of all those who were not sufficiently loyal or supportive of their cause. Those who were targeted (17 000 or more over the history of the regime) were brought to Tuol Sleng, interrogated, then killed and disposed of. People were sent to Tuol Sleng for condemnation, not to be cleared of charges – only 12 prisoners are known to have survived. As often happens, the definition of which people fit the category of “undesirable” was ever-changing – vague enough to target almost all and miss no one, including those who may once have at one point been the accusers.
* * * * * *
Many tuk-tuks that drive around the cities carry similar signs:
Welcome to Phnom Penh City. Places of sight seeing:
Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum
Killing fields
Central Market
National Museum
Royal Palace
Wat Phnom
Shooting Range
Tragedy takes the top two spots, while culture only makes fourth and fifth (though it’s nice that it beats out the automatic weapon shooting range.)
Tuk-tuk drivers shout to passing tourists in friendly voices: “Tuol Sleng, lady? Killing fields, mister?" Every book vendor that approaches us sells the same 10 or 20 books covering a small range of topics: Cambodia guidebooks, the ancient Angkor temples, the tragedy of the Khmer Rouge regime. The vendors wouldn't carry them if they didn't sell.
Again and again we signs that Cambodia’s tourist industry revolves around trinkets, temples and tragedy. The close relationship between tourism and tragedy makes me uncomfortable.
As a “citizen of the world” I understand my visit as my duty to be a witness to what went on in this place and to take that knowledge and to do my part to prevent it from happening elsewhere in the present or future. But as a tourist in Cambodia, I feel conflicted. When we visit these places, do we have the experience that is intended by the organizers? One study has suggested that a large proportion of the Cambodia still suffers post-traumatic stress disorder. How healing is all of this for them?
What does coming to visit these sad places really do for us or for anyone else? My lack of personal connection to the history of this country makes the line between being a witness and being a voyeur feel like an always shifting thing. I understand how critical it is to come here and acknowledge what happened, to make sure that history doesn’t silence the silenced any further but there's still a key element of that argument I haven’t figured out for myself.
Pierre and I don’t know exactly what we are here to do, but here we are.
A tourist guide that we pass on the grounds says to her group: “It is not a pleasant place, but it is worth seeing. They killed parents, children. They wiped out generations.”
* * * * * *
The museum itself starts with a fence: cement and 6 feet high, made taller by an additional 5 or 6 feet of corrugated metal and barbed wire. The grounds consist of four buildings on three sides, labelled A through D, that form an angular U.
Inside at a visitor's booth we pay 2 $ US each as an entry fee. The brochure we receive with our tickets explains briefly the history of the museum and its purpose:
“If we all do not emerge the anger, do not remind this cruelty and inhumanity action, this stat will be fade way in our exhilaration.”
Lest we forget.
A code of conduct sign requests visitors to be solemn:
Please be silenced, do not make any noise or laugh.
Please sit in an appropriate manner.
Please be concentrated spiritually and physically in order to pay respect to the souls of victims who dies unjust at the place.
They realize this might slip the minds of tourists during the several hours they may spend in the museum, and so there are signs reminding guests above many of the doors.
The code of conduct for tourists sharply highlights the only other list of rules posted on the grounds, the rules that security agents passed onto the people they were interrogating. This includes such rules as “2…You are strictly prohibited to contest me... 4. You must immediately answer my questions without wasting time to reflect... 6. While getting lashes or electrification you must not cry at all….” As 9 and 10 explain, disobeying any rule leads to more lashes and electrocution.
Building A, which is on the far left of the grounds, was used for higher ranking prisoners. There are 5 rooms on each of the three floors.
Since the rooms were originally for schoolkids, the rooms are a clash of bright and dreary - the walls are a warm butter yellow made richer by the sunlight that comes in the windows, but this only highlights the grimmer details of the room.
Each room houses one of the original metal bed frames – sometimes with shackles and tools of torture on display – which were used to torture the higher ranking prisoners, with a 3.5 x 2.5 foot black and white blow up of the bodies that were discovered in the rooms once the city was liberated by the Vietnamese in 1979.
Blood still seems spattered on the ceilings several rooms.
Building B Houses an exhibit of headshots from the records kept by the Khmer Rouge of some of the prisoners that came in through the doors.
The headshots are staggering. As with any photo, the viewer takes on over the photographer’s role, and the image is directed at you as if you yourself are taking it. The hate, anger, shock and fear that each person felt at that moment is now aimed at you. As the hundreds of photos progress through the rooms, the subjects become more and more gaunt, though always a kaleidoscope of faces – defiant, calm, dazed, betrayed. I can only bring myself to photograph one whose eyes are masked by water damage. The rest I leave alone.
Building C houses the individual and group cells - the ground floor has the brick cells and the top floor has the wood cells. There are doors drilled through each of the walls, allowing the guards to more easily patrol the blocks of cells.
Each of the 5 class rooms on the first floor have 11 cells per room…
…about 7 by 3 feet each. The wooden ones are smaller at 2.5 by 7 feet.
On the third floor of Building C, we pass an exhibit about the 1978 Swedish delegation that visited Cambodia during the height of the regime. One of the men who was a part of that delegation, Gunnar Bergstrom, has created the exhibit as a type of formal apology.
At the time, there were people who supported the Khmer Rouge because, as Bergstrom says, “in the Khmer Rouge we thought we saw a pure movement that took no orders from superpowers." As one of the people who took part in the delegation, Bergstrom narrates the photographs that resulted from the trip and explains how it was that the delegation was able to believe that everything was fine under the Khmer Rouge. He revisits his earlier opinion: “Abolishing money sounded at first like a bold, revolutionary step. But it was a kind of slavery. It chained people to their assignments, the only place they could get food.”
Photos from the 1978 trip line the walls with comments by Bergstrom that contrast his thoughts were at the time and his thoughts in hindsight. He structures his comments into categories: Thoughts of 1978. Forbidden thoughts of 1978. Thoughts today.
A picture of the royal palace says:
Thoughts of 1978:
We asked to see King Sihanouk, but that was one of the things we were denied.
Does Sihanouk deserve the treatment he's getting?
Thoughts today:
Sihanouk's treatment was a disgrace.
Forbidden thoughts of 1978:
This revolution is misunderstanding of Marxism, communism.A picture of a boy in a factory says:
Thoughts of 1978:
(none)
Thoughts today:
This boy should be in school.An open letter posted as part of the exhibit finishes with the following:
“For all those still appalled by my support of the Khmer Rouge at the time, and especially those who suffered personally under that regime, I can only say that I’m sorry and ask for your forgiveness.”
* * *
We notice how close this former prison is to the outside world. Through the paneless windows of the torture rooms, we hear the traffic as well as music from radios in neighbouring buildings. We can count the pieces of laundry hanging on a line just 20 metres away and smell food cooking in nearby kitchens. We could easily stick our heads out the window and speak to someone on their balcony.
"Couldn't everyone hear everything?" says P as we stand in one of the rooms and wonder.
However, at the time that S-21 was in operation the borders that separated it from the rest of the city were much wider and stretched out to cover several city blocks. In addition, Phnom Pehn was probably very nearly a ghost town after the army cleared the city of civilians. It was chosen for isolation; the high wall at that time would have further blocked the noise. Whatever escaped would probably have fallen on ears that were either unsympathetic (those in charge) or powerless (everyone else).
We notice how beautiful the light is in this terrible place. Hints of its former life as a school showing up in some places, elbowing its way through a dark past.
Some people have left flowers on the exhibits as they pass.
I take notes, Pierre takes photos. We read signs and talk in low voices. I feel no closer to any solution to my dilemma of being here and what we are to do while we’re here in this museum.
The museum sees this as a place of spirits. I may not feel it, but the country that I am in believes it and feels it and has worked this exhibit around it.
One sign describes how the museum itself has wrestled itself with the dilemma of the Tuol Sleng display. “How could a community convey countless instances of inhumanity while being culturally, religiously and individually sensitive?”
This is not discussed explicitly in many exhibits here, though a plaque by some skulls on display in building C touches on the topic. At one point, the plaque explains, many skulls were out on display but now the majority of the skulls are housed in a separate room. Only a few have been left in the main area in special display cases: “The skulls rest on identical pedestals built from slightly overlapping wooden slats. Spaces have been left between slats so that air can reach the skulls, thus allowing the spirits to come and go as they wish.”
According to popular Khmer belief, a person who hasn’t been given a proper burial will have to live on as a ghost, unable to find peace. Spirits bring to my mind a jumble of images patched together from folktales, urban legends and Hollywood movies. I imagine how these spirits would look moving around the place, staring at the strange and rudely dressed foreigners walking through their cells. Watching us eat and drink, feeling our incomprehension, and anger, and sadness, punctuated by the occasional joyful thought or trivial preoccupation that bubbles up before we quickly bury it again. It’s sad to imagine this place as their home. There is no spirit house on the grounds – I wonder what they eat. The museum is so packed with echoes of suffering and pain as well as the anger and grief that the visitors carry with them. I wonder if, in the Cambodian idea of spirits, the atmosphere of this home erases the rest of the humans they once were – their highs overtaken by their lows.
And, sadly, in the midst of all this, I am thirsty and hot and tired and hungry , so very human and so very distractible. It’s not about me, and yet there I am.
I’m annoyed with myself for awhile. Though I am focused on what’s in front of me, I feel as though too much of my focus is still split with what I am. I wonder what Cambodian spirits would think of that. Finally, I get exasperated and say in my head, as if I'm talking to someone: Fine, if you want my thirst, have it. If you want my hungry stomach, have that too.
And that triggers a thought that makes sense to me for the rest of the time we’re in the museum: this place is the spirit house and we are the fruit. It’s not about our “fruitness”, we are not here to be consumed – we are an offering. Bring what we are, offer what we have, hand everything over for the time being. Some things are lemons, others are plums.
Not really an answer to my questions but suddenly I feel much connected to the place. Every time I’m distracted by something, I think, Oh, you want that too? Ok, it’s your call. And I imagine handing it over to something passing by, something that tries on my feeling like a borrowed scarf or who passes through it like a fog. The distraction is still there, but is no longer mine and not about me and I can focus through it, like a background noise.
We spend 3.5 hours in the museum. We read everything and take away with us what we can.